chenb•log

I don’t mind if I’m incomprehensible

Love and Drugs

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Here’s the belated obligatory Valentine’s Day entry from your perpetually single friend. Ok, it has nothing to do with Valentine’s Day. And I’m probably using “obligatory” incorrectly. Oh well!

During Eric‘s birthday dinner last weekend, a med student was telling a pharmacist about recommending a couple of drugs (benzodiazepine and sertaline?) to a guy who’s very shy but wants to talk to women. Naturally, I said I need those types of drugs. But they, both women, told me that I don’t need it.

What. The. Hell.

Exactly what signs am I giving off that make people think I’m any good with women? I don’t mind people think that, except it’s simply not true. Somehow I managed to go through puberty without growing a pair of balls. Whatever. I’ll work on it, however slowly and awkwardly.

But I don’t want people to think “Barry know what he’s doing”; I need all the help I can get. (Ok, no drugs. Maybe.)

You have some attractive single friends? Hook the brother up. You’ve got some ideas? Let’s hear them. Tell me things. “Dude, that’s a shitty haircut.” “Barry, that shirt doesn’t fit you well.” (I think only one of my college roommates ever hinted at that.) “You’ve got a poor posture.” (My posture was pretty weak up until senior year in college.) “Barry, that’s not an attractive thing to do.” Or, “Barry, you need some fucking drugs!” And so forth.

Moreover, I definitely don’t want the ladies to think “oh yeah he know what he’s doing he’ll come over and talk to me and spark will fly and it’ll be messy but in a good way so I’m just gonna stand here being all shy and when he looks over I’ll quickly look away because there’s nothing more inviting than avoiding eye contact.” No, no, no…actually, that messy part sounds pretty good. But seriously, give me something to work with. Don’t make me hit on you.

Anyway, my point is this, enjoy this dinosaur comic:

if there's one thing i know, it's women

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Written by Barry

February 17, 2007 at 1:24 am

Posted in Bitch & Whine

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